i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
