I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
