I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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