I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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