Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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