Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
