Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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