Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
