I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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