so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
