DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
