Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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