Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
