just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
