Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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