If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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