im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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