I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
did i just pee glitter
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