We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
