What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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