My room smells like vodka and shame
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
