I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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