Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
