just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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