I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
