So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
