I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
