After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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