The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
