Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just invented taco cereal.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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