btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
