i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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