Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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