if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
