I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
