Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
