does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
