Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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