I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
