Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
