Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
