he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
