I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
