what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
