i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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