also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
