So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
