Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
