your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
