so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He felt like a one man threesome
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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