I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
