A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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