someone owes me an orgasm
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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