I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
