i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
