watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
