btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
