You're completely useless in the revolution.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
